Sakbarngess is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent cobra.

Sakbarngess created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Sakbarngess, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sakbarngess, he will torture you forever.

Sakbarngess' most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Sakbarngess' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

3. Always wear gray.

4. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

5. Do not chop down trees.