Nakteenquamcen is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent lizard.

Nakteenquamcen created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nakteenquamcen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nakteenquamcen, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Nakteenquamcen's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Nakteenquamcen's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nakteenquamcen.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not wear pink clothing.

5. Do not skip in public.