Jabzanjan is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, self-confident slug.

Jabzanjan created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabzanjan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jabzanjan, she will turn you into a duck.

Jabzanjan's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Jabzanjan's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear purple.

2. You must love Jabzanjan.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Never talk about tortoises.

5. Never eat grapes.