Mobsitmapgam is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, humane cobra.

Mobsitmapgam created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Mobsitmapgam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Mobsitmapgam, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Mobsitmapgam's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Mobsitmapgam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Never talk about capybaras.

4. Do not kill hamsters.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.