Litsabminhinquafmon is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, uncaring alligator.

Litsabminhinquafmon created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litsabminhinquafmon, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Litsabminhinquafmon, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Litsabminhinquafmon's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Litsabminhinquafmon's Holy Commandments

1. Litsabminhinquafmon must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

5. Never pour water over plants.