Tamlabwee is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical jaguar.

Tamlabwee created the Sol system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamlabwee, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tamlabwee, he will turn you into a duck.

Tamlabwee's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tamlabwee's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Hide from orange birds for they are unholy.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always pray immersed in water.