Lunzabcib is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, quiet snail.

Lunzabcib created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lunzabcib, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lunzabcib, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lunzabcib's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Lunzabcib's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not eat lemons.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never run near monkeys.