Quagfutpig is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful wolf.

Quagfutpig created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagfutpig, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quagfutpig, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quagfutpig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quagfutpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Snails are not to be trusted.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Quagfutpig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never talk about cell theory.