Vogstipfarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, duplicitous penguin.

Vogstipfarn created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogstipfarn, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vogstipfarn, it will turn you into a mouse.

Vogstipfarn's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vogstipfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.