Flanorttig is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, calm goat.

Flanorttig created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanorttig, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Flanorttig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flanorttig's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Flanorttig's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never hurt birds.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.