Tonklakmob is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical tapir.

Tonklakmob created a down quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonklakmob, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tonklakmob, he will turn you into a snail.

Tonklakmob's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tonklakmob's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonklakmob.

2. Never hurt tortoises.

3. Never wear blue shirts.

4. Do not dye your hair gray.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.