Kinnelxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, charitable troll.

Kinnelxuck created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinnelxuck, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kinnelxuck, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Kinnelxuck's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Kinnelxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

2. You must pray to Kinnelxuck three times a day.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always treat eagles with great respect.