Nurtbumnulkadmiffar is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, temperamental dragon.

Nurtbumnulkadmiffar created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbumnulkadmiffar, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nurtbumnulkadmiffar, he will turn you into a dog.

Nurtbumnulkadmiffar's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nurtbumnulkadmiffar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always help gulls in need.

5. Always take life seriously.