Dad is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, idiotic newt.

Dad created the Black Eye Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dad, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Dad's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Dad on top of all buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.