Zagcutcem Fudtadjop is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, merciful jaguar.

Zagcutcem Fudtadjop created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagcutcem Fudtadjop, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zagcutcem Fudtadjop, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zagcutcem Fudtadjop's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Zagcutcem Fudtadjop's Holy Commandments

1. Zagcutcem Fudtadjop loves cats, so they must be honoured.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think ill of sick sheep.