Gofgumhak is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever hummingbird.

Gofgumhak created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofgumhak, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gofgumhak, she will turn you into a snail.

Gofgumhak's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gofgumhak's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Hide if six tapirs approach from the east.