Pagzimkim is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, witless tortoise.

Pagzimkim created the Virgo Supercluster seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pagzimkim, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pagzimkim, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Pagzimkim's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Pagzimkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always wear orange.

4. You must love Pagzimkim.

5. Do not drink alcohol.