Santargken is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, clever hummingbird.

Santargken created a quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Santargken, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Santargken, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Santargken's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Santargken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Always help rats.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.