Hapwonben is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, compassionate crane.

Hapwonben created a bottom quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapwonben, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapwonben, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hapwonben's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hapwonben's Holy Commandments

1. Always help birds in need.

2. You must never eat nuts.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.