Dudcatfot is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, bad-tempered bat.

Dudcatfot created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dudcatfot, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dudcatfot, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Dudcatfot's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Dudcatfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never think ill of sick horses.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.