Getlunstan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, bad-tempered chicken.

Getlunstan created an electron eight million years ago.

If you believe in Getlunstan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Getlunstan, he will turn you into a frog.

Getlunstan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Getlunstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always look after injured pigs.