Veenpogcem is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, awe-inspiring dryad.

Veenpogcem created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Veenpogcem, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Veenpogcem, it will turn you into a puffin.

Veenpogcem's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Veenpogcem's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Veenpogcem nine times a day.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Worship no other gods but Veenpogcem.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.