Bitkadban is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, uncaring pig.

Bitkadban created humanity three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitkadban, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bitkadban, he will boil you in a big pot.

Bitkadban's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bitkadban's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Never skip in the presence of seals.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help tortoises.