Quagkemsin is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, duplicitous parrot.

Quagkemsin created a down quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagkemsin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quagkemsin, he will turn you into a frog.

Quagkemsin's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Quagkemsin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs.

2. Never sit near bats.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quagkemsin.

5. Always stare at clouds.