Metpontit is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, compassionate cobra.

Metpontit created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metpontit, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Metpontit, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Metpontit's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Metpontit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.