Goningwan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, dishonourable hyena.

Goningwan created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goningwan, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Goningwan, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Goningwan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Goningwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always treat ants with great respect.

5. Goningwan must be the most important thing in your life.