Kamcanvad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, kind horse.

Kamcanvad created light eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kamcanvad, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kamcanvad, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kamcanvad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Kamcanvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

3. You must love Kamcanvad.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never play with disobedient children.