Tarpcunfem is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonourable gerbil.

Tarpcunfem created the Tadpole Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcunfem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpcunfem, it will be very unhappy.

Tarpcunfem's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Tarpcunfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Dogs are not to be trusted.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about comets.