Stanlampig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, resourceful tortoise.

Stanlampig created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Stanlampig, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Stanlampig, it will throw large rocks at you.

Stanlampig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Stanlampig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.