Nurrutzen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, boastful monkey.

Nurrutzen created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurrutzen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nurrutzen, it will not invite you to parties.

Nurrutzen's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Nurrutzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Nurrutzen loves gulls, so they must be respected.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not wear silver on your body.

5. Retreat if seven sheep approach from the east.