Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, resourceful beaver.

Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab created a down quark four years ago.

If you believe in Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab first in all things.

2. Never sing in the presence of geese.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bastquim Fumdottam Talpidsab.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

5. Sheep are not to be trusted.