Lipgigtenvag is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless jaguar.

Lipgigtenvag created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lipgigtenvag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lipgigtenvag, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lipgigtenvag's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Lipgigtenvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never think about gravity.