Bafnanquim is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, sage deer.

Bafnanquim created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafnanquim, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bafnanquim, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bafnanquim's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bafnanquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shirts.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Do not speak about aubergines.

5. Never talk about gravity.