Larnhanfen is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish cow.

Larnhanfen created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnhanfen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Larnhanfen, she will turn you into a rat.

Larnhanfen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Larnhanfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back turquoise.

2. Hide from yellow tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not hurt snails.