Vigpanven is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, wise seal.

Vigpanven created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigpanven, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vigpanven, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vigpanven's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Vigpanven's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Always pray immersed in water.