Ontlarnrig is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, self-assured skunk.

Ontlarnrig created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontlarnrig, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ontlarnrig, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ontlarnrig's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Ontlarnrig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontlarnrig.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Never sit in the presence of shrews.