Cepsinarf is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, uncaring walrus.

Cepsinarf created a bottom quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cepsinarf, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cepsinarf, he will torture you forever.

Cepsinarf's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Cepsinarf's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Cepsinarf.

2. Never feed onions to monkeys while wearing yellow skirts.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never jump near ducks.

5. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.