Bifcusstarg is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, ruthless rhinoceros.

Bifcusstarg created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifcusstarg, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bifcusstarg, she will turn you into a plant.

Bifcusstarg's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Bifcusstarg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three manatees approach from the west.

2. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

3. Never feed grapes to turtles while wearing indigo jumpers.

4. Do not speak about bread.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.