Teenbesspak is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, clever monkey.

Teenbesspak created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenbesspak, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenbesspak, it will not care at all.

Teenbesspak's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Teenbesspak's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Teenbesspak.

2. Run away from brown eagles, for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.