Zogkomvancab is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, selfish pig.

Zogkomvancab created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zogkomvancab, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zogkomvancab, she will destroy your home solar system.

Zogkomvancab's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zogkomvancab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cucumbers.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zogkomvancab.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never go into red rooms.