Gonyassyost is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, thoughtless hippopotamus.

Gonyassyost created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gonyassyost, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gonyassyost, it will have a low opinion of you.

Gonyassyost's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gonyassyost's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Never paint your face purple.