Kimcemyattig Cemteennat is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, duplicitous mouse.

Kimcemyattig Cemteennat created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimcemyattig Cemteennat, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kimcemyattig Cemteennat, she will make you grow a tail.

Kimcemyattig Cemteennat's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Kimcemyattig Cemteennat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not kill doves.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about galaxies.