Tik is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, benevolent mink.

Tik created an atom eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tik, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tik, he will turn you into a rock.

Tik's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tik's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tik.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.