Cadlarnvan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, caring eagle.

Cadlarnvan created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cadlarnvan, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cadlarnvan, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cadlarnvan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cadlarnvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair fawn.

2. Never paint your head green.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always help otters in need.

5. Always help sick aardvarks.