Fotken is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, impressive scorpion.

Fotken created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fotken, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fotken, it will not invite you to parties.

Fotken's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fotken's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fotken.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Retreat if nine cats approach from the east.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.