Bemquimlak is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, benevolent bird.

Bemquimlak created the Sombrero Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemquimlak, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bemquimlak, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bemquimlak's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bemquimlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves in need.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.