Gatkapvig is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid mole.

Gatkapvig created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatkapvig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatkapvig, she will turn you into a rock.

Gatkapvig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Gatkapvig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.