Tarpcissvin is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow shark.

Tarpcissvin created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcissvin, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tarpcissvin, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Tarpcissvin's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Tarpcissvin's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight snails approach from the south.

2. Never feed cucumbers to geese while wearing mauve shorts.

3. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not commit murder.