Japhigzen is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unfair newt.

Japhigzen created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japhigzen, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Japhigzen, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Japhigzen's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Japhigzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet purple.

2. Japhigzen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Japhigzen loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Never sing near sharks.