Pingomyattig is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, witless spider.

Pingomyattig created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pingomyattig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pingomyattig, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pingomyattig's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Pingomyattig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Always help sick mites.

3. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

4. Never paint your arms indigo.

5. Never wear skirts.